Of Hearts and Hell
by Mikuro Kurayami
Summary: A look into the past of a killer... and how his innocence was defiled by the thirst to kill.


Of Hearts and Hell by: Mikuro Kurayami  
  
Category: Drama, Angst  
  
Warning: PG-13 for language  
  
Have you ever been in hell? No… not that place with the fiery furnace and little red creatures poking your asses with their forks. Not the place where the bad people go after they die. That hell is crap… my hell is my reality.  
  
The day I was born was the beginning of my misery. My mother cursed my very existence as she almost threw me out of the river in which our house was situated. She would cry bitter tears as I cried out for food. This went on until the birth of Yuri, the youngest of us all. My little sister's constant squalling seemed to have caused her to end her life… pity, I could have killed her instead if I was a few years older.  
  
Where was my father? That fucking bastard never came back home as soon as my youngest sister was born. Heh. What a waste… I could have spared his life a little longer if he didn't leave. I decapitated him while he was busy drowning himself with barrels of beer, his blood mixing with the tonic. The gin tasted good though. Oh yeah, Yuri died after a few days out of malnutrition.  
  
But let's not get to the exciting parts yet… From the time I already was aware of the world, I knew how to live even worse than the rats in the streets. At least those vermin had food while my brothers and sister and I cringed in pain, clutching our empty stomachs. One by one, they began to drop dead and fade away like they never existed. None of us live ones shed a single tear as they breathed their last breath… my older sisters, Rei and Hinata even told me that they envied those who have already gone.  
  
Madoka… she was not like the others. She told us that life was meaningful and that we should be thankful we were alive. She didn't mind if she received spiteful looks from the others, she believed in the beauty of living. Being the eldest, Madoka was the one who took care of us all and stood as our mother figure. She didn't want any of us to grow like the other people around us… corrupted with evil. She had a job of selling flowers in the streets. It didn't pay very much, but it gave us at least one meager meal a day. Madoka would scold us whenever we stole food from the market place or picked pocket to have some money or even beg in the streets. She wanted us to have decent jobs in which we could earn honestly.  
  
She had a lot dreams … and in all of them, she dreamed for us. She told us that one day we would be able to escape this wretched place and live normally.  
  
"That's one way of taking our minds off our hunger…" Kentaro, my brother before me, whispered sarcastically.  
  
Madoka was an angel in this hell of mine… I almost believed what she said about life. Until one day…  
  
Nagare slammed the door of our shack wide open. He stepped dripping from the rain outside. Not that it mattered, the roof had holes and an ankle- deep flood was rushing inside.  
  
"Where is Madoka?" He roused us all with his booming voice. Five of us were the only ones left… Madoka, Nagare, Kentaro, Megumi and me.  
  
I rubbed my eyes, totally confused at what he was asking. What did he mean where was Madoka? No one replied at his question.  
  
He approached Kentaro and punched him, hard. Nagare picked him up with his shoulders and shook him violently. "WHERE IS SHE?! It's past fucking midnight!"  
  
"Fuck it man…" Kentaro retorted at him bitterly.  
  
"Why you…" he threw Kentaro to the ground. "You were supposed to watch over her!!"  
  
Kentaro spat a loose tooth at the ground and wiped his mouth. "It was raining so I went back home! Besides, its your job to watch her, not mine!!"  
  
My older brother kicked him hard, "I was looking for a goddamn job OK?! You're supposed to lookout at the others when I'm gone!!"  
  
Kentaro resorted with punching him back. Since he was younger, he got beaten up eventually.  
  
"You're not gonna find Madoka if you continue fighting!" she screamed hoarsely after sobbing.  
  
"You're not gonna find her by crying your eyes out either!!" Nagare spat and punched Kentaro on his gut.  
  
Megumi bit her lip hard. I saw blood oozed from her pale lips. "I… I know where she is…"  
  
There was an uneasy silence within our house.  
  
Nagare grabbed by her collar and lifted her violently, "WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO?!"  
  
Megumi wept once more, "I was… afraid… afraid… She caught me in the bar and she told me to go home while she explained everything to my boss…"  
  
"Fucking bitch!!" Nagare slapped her hard. "Why didn't you wait for her!?"  
  
"It… took her so long…so I wanted to wait for her… home…I was afraid…"  
  
I didn't want to hear anymore… they all didn't care… they didn't care for Madoka at all. I didn't know what happened next… I was blinded by rage. And so, I killed them… I killed them all. With my own bear hands. Every single drop of their defiled blood sent a tingle sensation all over my body. And you know what's worse? I loved it.  
  
My hands yearned for more blood… and I found myself searching for my father. I could still picture his wretched face in my mind. He was there in a casino, swamped in beer with a few people I knew were our neighbors.  
  
"Hey Hagiri, isn't that your son?" a huge man jerked his thumb back at me.  
  
Father looked at me with contempt. "What son?" and they all laughed at me mockingly and continued with their shallow existence.  
  
My tear-blurred eyes landed on a box of cards they used for their game. As if by instinct, I took one card inside out. It was a joker.  
  
My memory fails me as how I managed to wipe out all the people in that place. But the one thing I can't get out of my head were the lifeless bodies scattered around me. A playful smirk formed in my lips as I noticed my father's head rolled next to me. I picked up the card caught on his flesh. It was the joker card drenched with his blood and the alcoholic drink. Serves you right, fucking bastard. I gave the card a little lick. Hmm… blood makes a scrumptious chaser for gin.  
  
I found my angel cast off in the river next to our house… stripped, desecrated and dead.  
  
She told me once, "Life's a gamble. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. But no matter what your cards are, clubs, spades or diamond… always remember… never play without a heart."  
  
Kukukuku… I play with a joker.  
  
Author's notes: There! I finally did a fic on a character I don't really like that much. Um… was it obvious that it was Hisoka's past? I got the idea of this fic from Sarj-san's fic that she posted in the ML and after my friend Eden-sempai sent me the quote you see above through SMS. It so reminded me of Hisoka that I had to do this… Sorry if it's not as good as Sarj-san's… T__T I was kinda in a hurry to do this… anyway, Hunter x hunter belongs to the great Yoshihiro Togashi-sama!!! Um… comments? 


End file.
